Body Dysphoria

Does this make my butt look big? Are my eyes too far apart? Look at the bags under my eyes. Should I get botox? What about liposuction?

I don’t know about you, but there are certainly things I don’t like about my body. We all have our “trouble” spots and thanks to self-help and fashion mags I’ve learned how to mask, camouflage and enhance in just the right way. Jeans, bathing suits and undergarments create flat tummies, hourglass figures and the appearance of smooth, toned hips, butts and thighs.

When someone affirms as the opposite gender, it is not unusual for them to HATE their body. This is not about a little cellulite or age lines. This is about having a body that does not align with the gender they believe to be. Can you IMAGINE thinking and believing that you look a certain way, that you should look a certain way and then you look in the mirror and see a completely different image? CAN YOU IMAGINE that?

Body dysphoria: The incongruity between what the brain expects the body to be versus how the body is actually configured.*

This is different from not liking the way your skin sags as you age.

Sadly, Hunter experiences body dysphoria, some days not so much, some days a lot, but I do think it’s always there.

body dysphoria

Hunter’s Song

In an effort to reassure him, I offered, “I know your body is not what you want. I know what you see is not what you want to see. I get it. Try to remember that this is a process. The transition and changes will not happen overnight.”

I hope my words helped him. I cannot ever know what it feels like to be transgender, to want to be someone else, to be Hunter. I cannot ever know what it feels like to really hate what I see when I look in the mirror.




6 thoughts on “Body Dysphoria

  1. No, but you can be the most supportive, empathetic mother possible and you are. It makes a difference. I am proud of you and proud to be your friend. 💝


  2. I lack the curves and the gait that naturally comes to most women. My boobs, while they disgust me, are small enough to pass for gynecomastia, aka “man boobs”. However, my time of the month DISGUSTS me to the point of anxiety and depression. Only time I cringe going into the men’s room. (Still have yet to find a specialist who can prescribe me T, which is why it still happens.) When I pack, it feels good; when I unpack, it feels like something is missing. I WISH I had facial and body hair, that I was a hairy bear like my father. And, yes, even the Adam’s apple. My friends who “manscape” think I am crazy for that and wish they could remain “clean-shaven” as I always appear; I know they mean well, but what they say doesn’t bother me beyond a tiny cringe. We want what the other has pretty much 😀


    • Charles, thank you for sharing. Are you able to get a gynecologist or endocrinologist to prescribe an estrogen blocker? That would likely stop your periods. Depo provera?


      • I’m past the point where I need estrogen blockers. Most older guys only need to take T; only if, for whatever reason, they need estrogen blockers is if it’s a real low dose of T. I am seeing the local Planned Parenthood later this week, I will see if they can at least prescribe that, and if not, get my primary doctor to. (No local gynecologist near me will take Medicaid, sadly. 😦 )


  3. I do not envy. They will need role models as they get older, people who will understand what they are going through, men and women in addition to their parents can help where the parents may not be able to.


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