Our Story

Since early in 2013 we’ve been helping our son transition from a teen girl to a teen boy. At the time he was 14 years old and in middle school.There were lots of little things over the years that made me wonder if there was something to be concerned about. Of course lots of “tom boys” grow up to be beautiful, strong women. In fact, most of them don’t grow up to be men.

One night, Olivia (pre-Hunter FTM) was taking a bath. She was about 7 and she looked up and said to me very matter of factly, “I’m a boy.” I looked at her, took a breath, and asked, “do you want to be a boy?” “No,” she replied. Well, that was interesting, I thought.

That night always stuck with me. We never talked about it again, though; that is until about a year ago.

Prior to “coming out” to me, Olivia had been asking to shop in the boys department. Always a picky, difficult shopper, the stress level was amping up. She longed to shed her girl exterior for a more masculine look. I just didn’t know it. Or, I just didn’t see it — at least I didn’t realize how important it was.

I’m jumping around a bit but wanted to give a few highlights to bring you all up to date. Our family now consists of a mom, a dad, a daughter, a son, and the cutest dog who ever lived.

We are all learning and growing and finding ways to support Hunter and who he is and who he hopes to become. It’s often difficult. It’s never boring. It’s always interesting.

Thank you for following our journey through my words. It is my hope to share, educate, inspire, confide and enlighten.

29 thoughts on “Our Story”

    • I am sorry that I haven’t had the time comment until now. WOW. I am so flattered and humbled that you “nominated” my blog along with some of your other favorites. There are so many blogs and amazing writers out there.

      Thank you for acknowledging me and for your thoughtful comments (always) on CallHimHunter. xo

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      • Our exchanges really validate everything I feel! I’ve always been strengthened when I have confirmation that I am not alone and someone else is out there feeling the same things and they understand! 🙂

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  3. Hi, I’m the youth program coordinator at Affirmations. I would like to extend our youth services which are open to all gender expressions. We have many youth services that you may benefit from and would love to see you.

    Please send me an email if you would like to schedule a meet up.

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  4. I am the mother of a 27 year olf FTM, she told my friend when she was 5 that she was a boy, yes, she was the cutest tomboy ever! as a teenager she dressed as a boy, but then she also had boyfriends, i just thought she was confused, as I’m sure she was also. I am a very devoit christian mom but at NO time did I ever tell her she was going to “Hell” or burn, we are all creations of God and I am to love her not matter what, which is what I do, although for some reason I can not call her son, she still is my Draya and always will be. I love her to death and we are very close. She is #3 of 6 children and her siblings support her 100%, she is so special and beautiful no matter what body she has! thank you for this blog, it is really nice to know that I am not the only one here, that we are not alone, and the support is amazing!

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    • Sheri, thank you for loving your son! I have a trans son also. It was hard for me to say “son” as well. For one recent occasion I bought a card that said “son” on it. It was a big deal for me and I know it meant so much to Hunter. I love hearing everyone’s stories…thank you for sharing!

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  5. Your story really hits home. We have a similar background: I’m married and we had two daughters in the 90s and now we have a daughter and a son AND a dog! I now know why my son never wanted to wear dresses or anything girly as a little kid. He fought me on it. There were times I made him wear a dress and I feel really bad about that now. He wanted toys that were for boys. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t like his Barbies like his sister did but he liked the Barbie car he got with a Barbie one year. Then he also started gravitating to the boys department. Once he came out and I fully understood, I only took him to the boys department from then on. We got rid of all of his girl clothes. Its hard but I fully accept it now. My poor child was born with the wrong body and I truly believe now that this happens more than we know. I try putting myself in his position and its horrifying. I couldn’t imagine feeling one gender inside and having the body of the opposite gender. It must be the most uncomfortable feeling imaginable. I’m so glad I found this website so I can express what I need to. We have come out so our family and most accept our son’s situation. We’ve had a couple that don’t and threw their religious ideals in our faces. I can honestly say that I only have two good friends that I have told. I have told no one else outside of the family. Is that wrong? When will I be able to? I feel like its no one’s business unless they need to know. We had to tell our family because our son legally changed his name. Any thoughts?

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    • Jan, congrats for loving your son unconditionally! Pretty much everyone in our lives knows our story. We were pretty guarded initially but once we started telling people it just felt right. You might find some of my blog posts helpful — they are from my perspective as the mom of a trans child. You didnt say anything about school or your son’s friends. How is that going? I’m so glad you are sharing your story here. Xo

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      • My son is doing great in school and the high school has a zero tolerance policy of bullying and my son assures me he is accepted and does not get bullied. My husband, my mom and I have gone to the school many times because he’s in band and captain of percussion and is treated well by the teacher and all other teachers in his other classes and everyone in band. Our counselor had called the principal of his high school a while back to ask how they support transgender students as far as bathrooms and she told them they are allowed to use the bathrooms in the administrative offices which are single bathrooms or the handicapped restrooms which are single restrooms. He never uses the bathrooms at school though. He will wear the male cap and gown when he graduates in June as well. My daughter went there a few years ago and saw a couple of MTFs go to school there and they were made fun of but were supported by the faculty. The school faculty and kids he goes to school with see that we fully support him and I think that helps with their support of him as well. My son has a girlfriend whom we adore and a few good friends both male and female that we encourage him to bring in to our home. I like to know who my son is hanging out with!

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  7. This ia a really tough question, when i tell my friends i show them a picture of her (still have hard time calling her him) although her birth name is Andraya, we call her Draya and she now wants to be called Dray, her siblings told her not to change het name cuz everyone loves her as Draya or Dray,, but i only tell people when its a need to know basis, its not something we shout out about cuz we didn’t choose to walk down this path,but it’s a road that were all traveling on now. So hard to accept that our beautiful baby boy or girl is not who we birthed, But it’s all about their spirit, I love my child No matter what. I have seen the pain and sorrow she has had to endure because her mind does not match her body, such a hard thing to go through for them. when she was a senior in high school she had to fight the school to be allowed to have picture taken in tuxedo, this was 9 years ago and transgender wasn’t even acknowledged very much at that time yet,but she won and was allowed to have picture taken in tuxedo. Yes, my Draya is pretty awesome! I need to ask her if she wants me to acknowledge het as him, I’ll let you all know!

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    • It takes some time to change pronouns. After nearly 2 years of knowing, and one year of pronoun and name change, my husband still messes up. But he’s trying. Go with what Dray wants. In the long run, you will all be happier. xo

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    • Sheri, I’m with you when it comes to only telling people on a need to know basis. I feel our children are safer that way. If they are presenting themselves the way they feel inside and people do not question it, why bring it up? My son is having a hard time with the male/female question on job applications or admissions applications. He is on T and looks and dresses like a guy and has for a while. He has a male voice and some facial hair now. Although we have had his name legally changed as well as his license, military dependent ID to include DEERS which changed his name on his medical and dental records, birth certificate and next stop is social security card, he still shows as female on everything. He struggles with how to answer this question and I just say check male. We really don’t know if this is illegal (probably is) but if its for a job or college I don’t see the harm. If questioned about it he has his answer ready for it (not sure what but that’s what he tells me). He plans on having top surgery in a year or two. He has been saving for it for the past year. His goal is to change his sex on all his legal documents at some point and that’s what scares me.

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  8. Hi! Do you need more moms for your call list? My new son is 15 1/2 and is somewhat gender-fluid. Now that he is out as a male, has a male name, he feels comfortable choosing to wear dresses sometimes. I tell him he’s awesome so often he tells me to find a new adjective, but he is! I feel like I kind of have the best of both worlds. I have one daughter and one son – and they both like to hang out with me, crochet/knit/quilt/make pottery art to various degrees, and I think I’m probably closer to Pete than I would have been with a cis male/born male/whatever you want to call ’em son. He helped me learn karate, and is trying to teach me sign language (I’m sure he’ll succeed if I live enough centuries…. I’m a bit slow on this). Like I said, awesome!

    I feel really weird when I hear people tell an LGBTQ kid “you’re really lucky your parents are supportive.” Like “be glad you’re not abused at home along with the bullying at school?” What? I don’t get it. Shouldn’t we assume that parents are supportive to their kids until proven otherwise? There may be some additional parental stress from not knowing what you’re supposed to do. I’d have a hard time supporting a kid who was a juvenile delinquent, in and out of jail, hurting people. I don’t figure that my kid’s gender affects me much personally – I just need to know what he wants so I don’t mess up Christmas presents or use names/pronouns that make him unhappy. I’ve got two awesome kids, and I’m a lucky parent that they don’t blow me off and treat me like an idiotic old fart.

    My parenting goal since pre-conception was to raise kids by treating them with enough respect that they would still want to talk to me, would still respect me, when they were teens and beyond, and enough love that they would be happy and secure. I’m still working on trying to be a better parent; I tell them I am so lucky to have them and that they love me.

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    • Rebecca,
      WOW. Great story – parts of it made me chuckle. My son is the same age and also loves sign language. Maybe we should connect them. We can always use more Ally Moms. Feel free to email me your info: first and last name, cell phone, location (state is ok), email. Your first name and cell and general location will be published. My email is: rozgkeith@gmail.com
      Thank you for sharing and for loving your children.

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  9. Hello my name is Tiffany and I have a 19 year old FTM son. He just moved back from Seattle where there were many resources. He came back because of a breakup and is not doing very well without all the support here. Could anyone tell me of support groups or resources in Michigan? Thank you so much

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  11. I wanted to give an update on my son. He is now enrolled in a university which has a great LGBT resource center and when enrolling the form actually asked how the applicant wants to be identified (trans, gender, etc.) which was a big stress reliever for him. He held a job for a couple of months but had to quit because of medical issues. He had his top surgery in June of this year and has now been fighting a bacteria infection on one side of his chest. He was actually referred to infectious disease by his surgeon and is on two different antibiotics and we are told he could be on them for several months. His girlfriend broke up with him and he’s devastated and I am a little worried about him right now. Our family is very supportive of him though and we are right there for him if he needs us. He is looking forward to starting school, wants to get rid of this infection and live life to its fullest. He had been in counseling for the past couple of years but just recently decided he didn’t want to go anymore. He’s 19 so I can’t force him to. Yes, I still worry for his mental and physical well-being. I just want him to be a happy, productive adult.

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  12. Um hello.. I’m currently struggling with my gender identity and I was wondering if there was anyone I could talk to about helping me understand what it’s like to be transgendered. I’m a female however I have always felt like a boy inside but I’m not sure when or how to express these feelings without disrupting my relationship with my family. I admire the story of Hunter and I wouldn’t mind emailing him or his mom to ask questions and advice.

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    • Hi there Mikey. From what I understand, gender identity is how you feel inside. It is built into your dna, so to speak. If you have felt “male” for as long as you remember, and don’t feel like a girl, then you may very well be transgender. If you would like help finding a knowledgeable gender specialist, let me know.

      Also, we have Ally Moms who are parents of trans people. You can call any of them or text– including me.

      Just go to the Ally Mons page in this blog and click on the link. You will see a list. Any one of us can chat.

      I look forward to hearing from you.
      Roz

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      • Hi Roz,
        Thank you for replying back so soon! I would love to get into contact with you if that’s okay. I understand you have a lot to manage and handle but I would be most comfortable talking with you. If there’s a gender specialist I could get into contact with that would be amazing.

        Only 3 of my closest friends are aware of my gender identity and I don’t feel ready for my parents to know. How would I contact a specialist without my parents’ awareness of the matter?

        Thanks,
        Mikey

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  14. can you help me I am a trans 15 going on 16 year old boy FTM and I don’t know how to come out because I don’t know if they will support me

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    • Hi Spencer. I am the mom of a trans son…so I can understand how important this is. Are you safe at home? Is anything going on that would indicate that your parents wouldn’t be supportive? Also, how do they react when they hear about LGBT issues or stories in the news? Feel free to email me at roz@standwithtrans.org and I will see how I can help guide you. Take care.

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