Ally Moms

We are a group of moms who have come together because we have a transgender child. We live all across the United States. In fact, we are 120 strong and live in 40 states in the United States. Our children are different ages and at different stages along their journeys. Some are just beginning to transition, some are living authentically as adults already. We come from different backgrounds and none of us have not actually met (yet). What we have in common is an unconditional LOVE for our children. We are allies to the transgender community.

TALK TO AN ALLY MOM: Are you a trans*/non-binary/gender-queer or questioning individual?

Ally Moms are here for you. Many of you out there do not have the support or affirmation you so richly deserve. As Ally Moms, we have lots of love and understanding to go around.  Do you need a friendly ear to just listen? Do you just want to ask a question or say “hello”? It is so important to us that anyone who is transitioning or thinking about coming out has the tools they need. What we can offer is a kind word, a loving, virtual hug, or perhaps a suggestion or two.

Ally Moms map March 18

Do you need a friendly ear to just listen? Do you just want to ask a question or say “hello?” It is so important to us that anyone who is transitioning or thinking about coming out has the tools they need. What we can offer is a kind word, a loving, virtual hug, or perhaps a suggestion or two. We will not judge. FYI… Ally Dads, Coming Soon!

Do you parent, care for, or love a trans*/non-binary/gender-queer or questioning individual?

Ally Moms is here for you, too. No matter where you are on your journey, Ally Moms can provide an empathic ear, share resources, offer camaraderie and mentorship, and community for parents and caregivers who may be experiencing shock, anxiety, isolation, confusion, or a host of other emotions. Whether you are looking for guidance from a parent who is further along on the journey, trying to make sense of your new reality, or seeking to connect with someone who “gets it,” Ally Moms is a phone call or a text away.

VOLUNTEER TO BE AN ALLY MOM: If you are the mother of a transgender child of any age, you may be eligible to join our dynamic group of moms. For an application, click here. If the link is not working on your computer, email Janna Barkin at jannabarkinyoga@gmail.com for an application.

Here are the guidelines for reaching out to an Ally Mom:

If you are experiencing a true emergency, please CALL 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. The Trevor Project is also a great resource for anyone contemplating suicide or just needing some assistance and guidance regarding gender identity related issues: 866-488-7386. The Transgender Crisis Hotline in the U.S. 877-565-8860 or in Canada 877-330-6366 is another resource. This hotline is staffed by Trans* individuals. 

Text one of us before calling; identify who you are and use the phrase “Ally Mom” so we know the nature of the call. Indicate if you prefer to text or would like a voice call.

You will get a text or call back. Here is the link to the Ally Moms list.

If you don’t get a call back within the hour, feel free to try another Ally Mom. You might have called while we are working or on a call with someone else. As a courtesy, please let the first Mom know that you’ve connected with someone else so they can delete the request.

Remember, we are not therapists, medical doctors or trained crisis counselors. We are moms who are allies. We are opening our hearts to be there when we can when your own mom can not or is not there for whatever reason. Keep in mind that we are not always able to take your call or may have limited time on the phone. We are trying to help as many as possible and cannot always take your call immediately.

The Ally Moms are unable to provide financial assistance or transportation. Please do not even ask. If you are in need of financial support for any reason we recommend your local social services agency, a family member, your clergy, etc. These other resources may be able to steer you in the right direction. Medicaid may be available to you.

Did your child just come out to you? Here is a handy guide that will help you through the initial process as you embark on your journey. Parent Guide

For some Transgender 101, here is a great article recently published.

We were mentioned in Yahoo News also.

340 thoughts on “Ally Moms”

  1. As a transwoman who was literally disowned by my family when I came out, it does my heart so much good to see what You’re doing here. When I see so many genuinely good-natured people coming together in support of the trans community, it helps to restore my faith in humanity that much more. All of you are absolutely awesome! Thank you!!

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    • Vicki – I”m sorry you had that experience. We are here for trans youth and families to help make sure that doesn’t happen. I hope you’re doing ok and if you need a friendly ear, feel free to reach out to any of us on the list. Roz

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  2. I’m a transgender child, 11 years old, currently living as a female, wanting to transition to male, prefers to be called Hades, I’m having some trouble coming out to my mom. She has an LGBT friend that I know of, but I’ve always known the judgmental, Instagram mom with a picture perfect family. I’ve always remembered my mom yelling at me for no reason in my early childhood. I’ve always feared if I come out that she’ll try to erase me from my family and probably drive me to suicide. My mom doesn’t understand that she can’t tell me who I am. I’ve also lived with depression and anxiety for the past 3 years, I’m hoping one of the moms here can reach out to me

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  3. Where to start?
    Uhm, I am transgender ftm, and am 18 years of age. My preferred name is Rhydian.
    Most people say at this age you should be able to deal with things on your own, that’s not the case with me. Growing up, I have always felt alone. My mum was rarely around, and I didn’t have any friends. At school I would always get crap for being different, I was always the “weird girl” because I liked to play football with the guys and didn’t do anything “feminine”.
    Lately things have gotten worse, I am out to my family but no one is even trying to understand, despite them saying they accept and support me – it doesn’t feel like that. Ontop of that I am stuck in a toxic relationship, dealing with a family member with cancer… everything is too much, and I could just really use some support I guess, cause I hate feeling this emotionally drained everyday and having no one to turn, or talk to.

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  5. Hi
    So glad you found this blog. You are worthy of love.
    I am also an Ally Mom , Mom to a trans guy 21, available to chat or text . Please do: 415-250-3194

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  6. No need to ask, I’m here to lend an ear. How can I assist you? I currently live in the kcmo area. 8168632577. Mom of a m/f daughter

    Best wishes
    Dawn

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  9. Rhydian, have you reached out to anyone yet? I’m the proud mother of a FTM son, and would like to be there as an ally for you as well. 760-271-1001
    🏳️‍🌈💝🦋💝🏳️‍🌈

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  10. Oh, where do I start with this one…
    I turned 16 last month, I’m ftm transgender and still very much in the closet. I’ve known i was trans since I was roughly 13 (maybe 12). And my mom isn’t supportive of the LGBT+ community. At all. The only real support I get is from friends at school and they can only do so much. My name is Eliza and I’ve always been ‘momma’s little girl’ yet in my mind I’ve always been a boy. At school I was always the ‘tomboy’ the ‘weird girl’ the one that only wore flannels buttoned up to my neck and the one always trying to hide the fact I have a cheat and curves I don’t want. Im honestly out of energy trying to hide and just need a bit of support from a person that really cares. My mom won’t let me see a therapist because I’m ‘perfectly fine’ even though I’m always anxious and worried for no reason. I’ve been on TrevorSpace and the people there are really helpful and supportive. Again, I just need a tiny bit of support from someone that cares, y’know?

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    • Hi. I would be happy to help and we have a big list of parents online who can help. And, I have a trans son so I completely understand. Tell me how I can help. Do you need help finding resources in your area? Can you tell me where you live? Feel free to email roz@standwithtrans.org. I look forward to helping. Roz

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  11. Soooooo, im a guy, but for as long as i can remember ive wanted to be a woman even in my head ive been refering myself as “she” or “her” and even calling myself autumn instead of austin, idk how i can tell my parents, my mom is always open about if i would like guys or girls, but never thought if i would be trans, my dad on the other hand, it feels like he would hate me if i came out as trans, it got to the point where i cant even stand myself anymore and i still havent told my parents, all ive told is my friend who is also trans, i rly want help so i can gather the courage to tell my family, do the surgery, and move on with my life, if anyone can help pls reply with answers, thx

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    • Hi Autum, How are you? You don’t say how old you are or if you live at home with your parents. That would be helpful to know. There are quite a few resources and depending on where you live, we can help you access those. I’d like to connect you with one of our Ally Parents who can provide some guidance so you can be safe when you feel it’s the right time to share with your mom. Perhaps you can talk with her before you share with your dad. I am happy to help. If emailing or texting is better, just let me know. You can email roz@standwithtrans.org if that is preferred.

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    • Hi -I came across your post and would like to help. I am a producer of a national daytime talk show , The Mel Robbins Show. We are doing a show on non gender conforming children , transgender and kids who are thinking of transitioning who are having difficulty with their parents. Please check out http://www.melrobbinsshow.com. I can be reached at fmiller-stehr@melrobbins.tv . Thank you so much-
      Felicia

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  12. Hey. I am really super awkward with things like this, but I’ll try my best to make sense. I’m 14 years old and mtf. I go by either Miyuki or Yuki (Yuki is just shorter) and i don’t have much support. My mom kinda abandoned me in a way after I told her, and my dad doesn’t accept the truth too much. I really want to start living more female, but it’s so hard at the moment.
    I’ve got a lot of family issues revolving around this which I’m not going to publicly share. I just really wish I had someone to vent to and talk to about all this. It’s extremely stressful and upsetting.

    Thank you^^

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    • Hi Yuki,
      I am a mom to a 23 yr old mtf son who came out to us at 15 yrs old. We have been on this journey for a long time. You are more than welcome to vent to me if you would like to. My family and I totally support our son and the LGBTQ community and I’ve always been an ally. Let me know if you would like to email, messenger or text. I would be happy to listen! Take care, Janice

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      • Hello, I am writing here because I think Janice might be able to help me with questions I have. I am a Mom looking to talk to someone who has a older mtf. My 16 year old son came out to me a few months ago and really wants to start hrt. Has your son gone through this process? Appreciate it, Heather

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  13. It appears like my asking for help disappeared. If it didn’t and I’m posting again, I’m so sorry.

    I go by Miyuki (or Yuki), I am 14 years old mtf and I’m living with my (not so supportive) parents. I’ve been going through a lot, and my mom has just about stopped talking to me. My friends are always busy and I almost always have no one to talk to. I would really love someone to text now and again. I need someone to talk to, and to vent to. I probably sound really obnoxious and anoying and if that’s the case, I’m sorry. I struggle with dysphoria, depression, anxiety, insomnia, OCD , add and probably some other things I forgot about. So, um, if you could put up with me, I would really appreciate it!
    Thanks^•^

    I’m so sorry if I already posted it, I couldn’t find it anywhere I’m now I’m stressing about it.

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    • Hi Yuki – what a pretty name. I would be happy to help. We have more than 260 Ally Parents who are supportive and accepting. I’m going to ask one of them to email you. Is email the best way to communicate? Let me know. Hang in there — we can provide some love at the other end of the phone so you can get some support. If you prefer texting, please let me know the best number for you. Thank you.

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  14. I posted on here yesterday, but I can’t find my post from yesterday. I’m doing another one. I apologize if it’s still here and I’m posting again. Also, I feel like I wasn’t detailed enough the 1st time.

    I’m 13 and living as a male. My personality has always been very feminine. In abt late August of 2018, I came across a video on youtube of a trans girl sharing her story. In it, she mentioned how she liked doing things like playing with dolls and painting her nails. I liked doing those things 2 when I was younger. That’s when I realized what trans meant and that I identified with it. I told my parents and they were convinced that I was watching videos and “getting ideas” and they would say things like “studies have shown that kids ur age who watch these things get convinced about it” or “just because u r not 1 extreme doesn’t mean u r the other.” The feelings eventually went away and I thought it was just a phase. The feelings are starting to come back. I did my research and there are things that I have felt/experienced that I don’t think a cis person would. I like guys and my parents are okay with that and they’re very accepting of lgbtq+ people in general, so ik coming out isn’t dangerous. I’m just worried abt how they will react and I need a bit of advice

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  16. Hi, I’m 13 and MtF transgender and I prefer to go by the name Paxton or pax. I’m out to my family but it feels like they’ve been ignoring the fact that I’m trans. My mom and her parents are religious (in a way; they’re both Christians) and do they aren’t very accepting of the LGBTQ+ community. It’s been hard knowing that they don’t care about or support me in the way I want to live. I just really need someone to talk to because right now it feels like nobody’s there for me.

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  17. I’m 21 years old and still living at home. I’m pretty sure I’m mtf and have felt like this for a while but I still have doubt and I have no idea how to begin to tell my family and friends. I’m really scared.

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  18. my legal name is Donovan but i’m a transgender woman named Holly. I’m 24 and I live in Yonkers New York i’ve have fa(friedreich’s ataxia) in a wheelchair. i’m looking for hrt(hormone replacement therapy) i’m not exactly sure how I would go about. who I would go to because I just got done seeing my primary care doctor and gave me a references to another doctor.
    my parents aren’t helping me with this I need someone’s help with this please

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  19. Hello Ally Community 🙂
    My name is Missy & i have a child thats in transition from male to female. Im looking for guidance & to educate myself so to help my daughter. Growing up w/ gay people in my family, there was never any issue. But im new to trans. I worked with trans & been to the drag queen shows & always love & supported LBTQIA+ community. When my child came out as gay i had not an iota of issue. When she came out as trans & then change her name, i told her how much i was proud of her and support & admire her. But we are hitting a roadblock when i accidentally say him/he or use the old name ( truly by accident ) its not been long at all since she started to transition & changed her name. Ive been so good at calling her by her chosen name & using proper pronouns but it is not enough. Im wondering if the hormone therapy shes on is causing her mental distress & making her emotional and combative. Even though here sister & i are supportive of her, she has pushed us away. She lives in Austin due to school & im in Houston. I so want to be here for her but she wont allow me too. I do want to get her a good general doc & hormone specialist that. I also want to help her find a support group & just help her in anyway possible. Thank you for reading my long run on paragraph. Lol! Pls send me any advice and guidance possible.

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    • Hi there. We are happy to help…and thank you for reaching out. Hormones (as we know) can make us emotional at times (think PMS) and certainly can be a cause for your daughter’s distress. Sometimes that distress is because they feel like changes aren’t happening fast enough so there is frustration. Have you asked her what she needs from you and how you can be supportive? Sometimes we forget to ask. Never assume that what you are doing is enough or not enough or what they might need in the moment. Often, when trans young adults are coming out they push away the ones who mean the most to them. Just keep letting her know that you are here to support and love and care for her. Ask what she needs. Don’t push. She will come around. Also, SwT has parent support groups and we have a brand new trans fem support group for 18-24 years olds. Here is the support group link. https://standwithtrans.org/support-groups/

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