Becoming Male (Part 2)

Is 16 years old too young (for top surgery)?

This is the question I posed the other day to a group of people who are connected to the transgender community either by being the parent of a trans* son or who are actually transgender themselves.

A lively discussion ensued. Here are some of the comments:

“Mine had surgery at 15. Life just keeps getting better for him since then.”

“We’re proceeding with the surgery whether the insurance pays or not.”

“We are hoping to schedule next year. My son will be 16. For us it makes sense. I hate to see him binding, in pain and covered up in the summer on the hot days.”

“These years are so important never mind having these extra detours and they sit in their room feeling so bad.”

“We are doing surgery next month at 16 1/2. The past year the binding has been kind of bad. So we decided not to wait and just going to pay.”

“My son is 12. In the beginning I said we’re not doing anything till he’s 18 since I really struggled with these issues myself. Seeing him cry the other day in the Old Navy change room because he can’t find a simple tank top broke my heart.”

“My son is 16 and had surgery yesterday. He’s doing great and healing “abnormally fast” according to the surgeon.”

dani hunterThere were many more comments and lots of conversation. There was not one dissenting opinion. These kids are suffering. They know who they are. They know their gender identity. In most cases, transgender individuals have known from a very young age that they are different. Even the youngest kids, who didn’t have words to articulate what was going on, didn’t know the word transgender, could say, “I’m a boy or I’m a girl,” regardless of their biological sex.

A 16 year old (ftm) who has been waiting for years to become a young man is definitely ready for top surgery. Yes, it’s a big, scary step. Yes, it upsets me to think about my child in a hospital, for any reason. However, I know that Hunter needs to do this. It is one step closer to being whole. It is one step closer to having a body that matches his gender identity.

There are skilled, specialists who perform this surgery in various cities around the country. Florida, Boston, California and Ohio are some of the destinations for surgery. We will have to travel for consults and for the actual procedure. Then, you have to stay in the destination city for up to a week before you get clearance to go home.

Ideally, we would like it to be possible for Hunter to have surgery before going off to college. Next summer he will be 17 and it will be his last summer before graduating high school. He has already started a special fund to raise money on his own. He is saving a percentage of his allowance to go towards the fees which are on average about $8500 (this doesn’t include travel and local accommodations). He will also babysit and do various odd jobs to contribute. We, of course, will do what we can to help.

Before he left for camp Hunter asked if he could create a gofundme account to help with the expenses for top surgery. Then, his sister offered to write the story for him which I thought was such a beautiful show of support and love. It took her a little while but eventually she came around and now fully accepts her “little” brother as the guy he is and just wants to see him be happy. Danielle knows how painful binding his breasts has been (both emotionally and physically) and hopes that one day soon he can be one step closer to living as his authentic self.

Hunter is one brave kid. He’s shared his story publicly because he knows that others will have the courage to be themselves when they realize that they are not alone. He has found tremendous strength by reading the stories of other trans* masculine individuals and I know he’s watched hours of YouTube videos about transitioning that have been immensely helpful.

I’ve certainly never done anything like this before and am much more comfortable helping others than asking for help. But here goes.

Here is the link to the fund.

If you are able to help in some way, not matter how small, it will make a big difference in Hunter’s life. We have been so fortunate that our son is supported. I am grateful each day for the community that has embraced our son and the journey he is on. Top surgery for Hunter will be life altering.



5 thoughts on “Becoming Male (Part 2)

  1. No, it’s not. If anything, it also helps protects Hunter against breast cancer–especially if there’s a family history. We need to stop this bull that people should only pursue transitioning only when they’re 18. Puberty hits before we’re teens. If we identify differently from what a doctor dictates, we have every right to correct nature’s mistakes. We are FULLY ENTITLED TO OUR HEALTH!


      • With the heat we’ve been going through in Jersey, I’m constantly drinking water. If I don’t, I get dehydrated and almost pass out. Our small kiosk at work has me constantly near an oven in this 90+˚ weather, and twice I almost passed out. My coworkers and supervisors know I wear a binder, and twice was asked why not just use a bra or nothing to combat the heat. I explained that I can remain emotionally fin but suffer physical ailments, or improve physical health but at the detriment of emotional health and risk increasing my gender dysphoria. Pretty much damned either way. (Note: when covering other stores, I don’t suffer these health issues, because the oven isn’t near everyone.) We’ve worked out a system where I work near the bar for at most 2 hours, or less on real humid days, and have me focusing on store supplies, stocking, register, and other areas I can still contribute.Or, I work on the espresso machines on our less busy days, and on the weekends, when real busy, stay away from the oven. Because of these effects I’m going to arrange before next summer to go remove my chest. I don’t care about reconstructing it to look like a guy’s chest at this point. Just remove my breasts and be flat, so I no longer need these binders.


  2. I never thought about breast cancer! We do have a family history. My Mom has had it twice and I’ve had 2 pre-cancerous lumps removed. Maybe that would help us when he gets his Medicaid coverage. No set policy for coverage in my state.


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